Funeral

Transcription

Funeral speech for Rosalie Ernst

„Are you afraid of death,“ the little prince asked the rose. To which she replied, „But no. I have lived after all, I have blossomed and used my powers as much as I could. And love, given away a thousand times, returns to the one who gave it.“

– Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Dear Mourners,

as a child – no matter what age – one considers one’s parents, contrary to all rationality, as invulnerable companions; as constantly available helpers in questions and moments of one’s own uncertainty. They immediately take on this role in a child’s life, because as soon as you come into the world, your parents are there for you. Nevertheless, nature makes a pre-selection and assigns a special role to the birth mother: biologically, she is connected to the child much earlier than any other human being. In the true sense of the word in the first second of the child’s existence, one’s own mother is there for one. Despite later separation, this special mother-child relationship remains, it takes other forms over time, nourished by parental love and care, it is and remains sublime.

„Mom, I think I did something wrong while doing the laundry…“ „Mom, I’m not feeling so well, I’m at the end of my rope.“ – „Son, we are always here for you.“

…

„Son, we are always here for you.“ No mere phrase. Not just said, Mom and Dad did everything in their power for Jan and my well-being. We saw, felt and knew

that they were always there for us. Always there.

Out of the blue, your own brother calls in the morning and asks that you come home quickly because Mom has collapsed in the bathroom without any omens and has been taken to the hospital by the ambulance. The brother still says, „Marc, it doesn’t look good.“

„Not good“ – this omen is later confirmed by the doctor at the hospital. 3:18 p.m. a hastily held note on the back of the doctor’s hand – 3:18 p.m. an insignificant time in itself – signaled the end of a life that meant the world to us. Medically, her demise cannot be conclusively explained. Undoubtedly, the death, the grief, the tears remain; you are missing.

„But that’s not how it was planned,“ Dad replied to the doctor with a break in his voice, „actually she was supposed to come back with us.“ Yes, come along, come along back to the stairs of the house that mom and dad have walked up together since 1994, up to and into their home together. Since February 07, 2022 at 3:18 p.m., Dad is now to make that walk without Mom.

In the night of the blow of fate one feels the exhaustion from the day, from the strength-sapping crying and from the pleading that everything is only a dream after all. Eventually you find sleep, but tears of missing are not a pillow of rest. The house is full of people and the regrettable awareness of loss, and yet it lacks something, someone.

Mom was a housewife, and the importance of this profession becomes starkly clear after her death: she was the soul of the house. Usually mom was the first one awake and let the light of the coming day into the house. People took her everyday waking of the rooms far too much for granted. At her bidding, morning pervaded everything and in constant accompaniment of

Mama’s favorite home remedies laughter and music. „Without music, my life has no meaning“ Mama used to say, only to cheer up the spirits with a laugh on her face and prancing steps. As a rule, people danced and/or laughed with her. With Mama as she lives, as she laughs. This laughter has died away, the music of the house has given way to heaviness.

„Without music, my life has no meaning.“

Silence takes Mama’s place, senseless, it is so quiet.

à Song: „Still“ – Jupiter Jones

In this silence, you try to remember Mom again and again by looking at photos, contemplating her seat at the table, or simply focusing on the past. All too often, the contours then blur and the colors fade. Grief, boundless, takes over.

Honestly, there are still moments, especially when walking downstairs in the morning, when you wish she would just sit downstairs at her seat and greet you with the words, „Awake already?“

The certainty of the understaffed house hurts. Grief, missing, tears, pain, comfort…. At some point, comfort finds its way into the house, just like that, without having intentionally looked for it. While emotions are again making their waves on the eyes, one day, in the incomprehensible mass, you notice a previously unknown splash of color. On a windowsill, unnoticed by everyone, germinate blossoms on mom’s favorite flowers. Orchids. Even in times of deepest sorrow, life finds its way, quietly, secretly, but all the more precious and empowering for it.

Mom loved orchids, which led to the purchase of up to five plants. Looking up the meaning of this type of flower, warmth enters the heart: it is called the „queen of flowers“, especially in the Asian region, and each type of orchid has its own individual symbolism. Mom’s favorite species, the butterfly orchid, represents femininity, elegance and attachment to loved ones. This attachment is attested to mom by many people. Especially mom’s friends always talk about the best friend you can have. A friend like a sister, who put her own problems on the back burner for the time being and always spoke up at the right time and with the right empathetic words. At the birth of a new life or the departure of a loved one, Mom was there for her loved ones. She was there, unique and inspiring in her care, kindness and zest for life.

When you came home late and she still – unprompted – quickly cooked something for you so that when you arrived, you had something to eat.

This positive energy spread noticeably throughout the house, if only because Mom was always laughing wholeheartedly during the hour-long phone calls with her friends or her brother, this joy permeated every floor and you simply had to laugh yourself. To smile was also Mama’s love for food, because on the one hand she always cooked double the amount and you seriously wondered if there were any extra people coming. She, on the other hand, out of her caring, simply wanted everyone to be full. On the other hand, Mama also liked to simply go out to eat well and these restaurant visits, this communal joy – love goes through the stomach – always had to be captured by means of photos.

In addition, Mama loved music and dancing. How often I danced together with her to pieces of music or series themes – sometimes she called for me when our beloved series intro started. I would jump out of the room and dance with her. Dad and Jan couldn’t stop themselves and laughed, we all laughed. When you laugh honestly, out of pure joy, with all your heart, you forget everything unnecessarily negative and surrender to the joy of life.

Tears and laughter, sadness and joy, weakness and strength, fear and confidence, everything has its time, but Mama gave more weight to the positive. Life had drawn Mama like every person, but she decided that this drawing, should be a colorful one, a beautiful one, a joyful one. It was her „glee of life.“

Loosely based on the quote from Robert Walser:

A loving mother does not need to make an effort to be significant.

She is.

– Robert Walser, Swiss writer

Mom and Dad, together with Jan and me, lived this positive life and we pass on their values such as kindness, care, confidence and joy of life. We treat our fellow man, our loved ones, the way we would like to be treated. Thank you, Mom, for your love.

To me, you were living proof of a mother’s love and I emblematically miss your hugs. Although you were so much smaller than me, your attentive gestures were huge; they gave me support, direction or strength and if it was just a cup of tea you made me when I was too nervous for a test of life. I miss, that heartfelt warmth and I know if you saw us like this right now, you would go back to putting your problems on the back burner and worrying about us. Mom, I can assure you, you and Dad have given us the tools for life. We carry you with us and before we know it, we grow from the blow of fate, from your death, we grow, unnoticed, like an orchid blossom on a windowsill in a once silent house.

Over the house is a rainbow, one hears laughter and a favorite song of yours, Mama.

Farewell Letter

Dear Family,

Dear mourners,

my beloved Rosalie has gone. Rosalie when I first met you in December ’85 it was „love at first sight“ for me. The first kiss from you, was like opening a big door and the beginning of our great love. Just two months later, I proposed to you.

Rosalie, darling, thank you from the bottom of my heart for saying yes. May 30, 1986, the day of our wedding, made me/us the happiest people on this earth.

In 1988, I was able to meet your wonderful family for the first time in the Philippines. It was an exhilarating experience how warmly I was welcomed by your family.

The year 1989 followed when you became pregnant for the first time. The doctor said, „You are having twins.“ Our joy was overwhelming. Unfortunately, you suffered a great blow when our twins saw the light of day a little too soon and died after birth. It would have been a boy and a girl….

Despite all this, you never lost your zest for life. You found back to new joy of life, for that I thank you with all my heart. Your laughter, your smile will always live on in my heart.

In April 1992 our sunshine with the golden voice, O-ton from the midwife, came to the world – our son Marc-Anthony.

I thank you infinitely for our boys. You almost lost your life because of the birth of our sons, but God was with you. 6 years later our second son Jan-Christopher was born. Even after this birth of Jan, you fought for your life. I can’t say thank you enough for our wonderful boys. Thank you! Our time together as a family was the greatest gift called happiness in life.

Your sudden, much too early death robs me of my strength. Thank God that my family is trying to give me back my strength.

Mahal na Mahal kita, Rosalie. I miss you so immensely. I will carry you in my heart forever and ever.

Your beloved husband and father of your children.

See you soon my darling….

As a conclusion to my farewell letter (to you), our favorite song by Chris Norman „Midnight Lady“ will now be played. This song was released in Germany in 1986, the year of our wedding. We heard „Midnight Lady“ for the first time on our honeymoon and it accompanied our life together (wording of Rosalie when this song came on the radio: „Peter, please turn up the radio“). Rosalie, here now as a farewell your and my favorite song „Midnight Lady“.

Thank you, you were a wonderful wife and mother. I love you…